I was on phone and walking in the neighborhood around nine in the night. I heard a voice behind me, hailing. I turned around to find a guy (about 23) who I had seen earlier on a motorcycle (a few minutes back) asking me the directions to Tower 6A. Either his parents hadn’t taught him hindi as a kid, or it’d been a short while for him in India. He had that accent. (I know tons of ABCDs in Gurgaon)

‘That tower, 6A is towards the right.’ I pointed out.

‘With that shopping mart?’ He asked back.

‘Next to it.’

‘Adjacent or opposite?’

‘Right next to it.’

I noticed aggression in his body language (I wasn’t aware that I was picking it up).

‘Next means adjacent not opposite. Can you be any more rude while asking?’

‘I apologize …’ He retorted with the same aggression.

‘Go find your way.’ I was equally aggressive.

‘Alright.’ Came a more aggressive repertoire.

For a moment I thought he intended to run over his motorcycle over me.

Why did that happen?

Why did I lose my temper?

Why did I turn aggressive?

Why did I echo in his aggression?

Let me relate what happened earlier. A few minutes before the incidence I saw that guy riding down the residential street, smoking, his long curly hair leaving a wake with the wind, brandishing his will to revolt at any point. The first images that crossed my mind are the people who bring on extensive tattoos on their bodies, coloring their skins, piercing, all as some gesture. Somehow I always feel that these kids have been deprived of a good upbringing. For some reason they have chosen to establish that they are not confirming with the society. That could have been left unsaid, but their aggression for some reason at some event, or a series of events, has found a vent. With this thought I judged that guy, the slightest of aggression could have been his natural tone, but I took it as an offence and then kept thinking about it.

That there was aggression in him is true, but that I needed to resonate with aggression, is untrue. How many times do I do that? I teach during my workshops how strong body language can be while deciding on the course of any communication (Albert Mehrabian). Words can have hundreds of connotations, just with a varying tone and expressions, ranging all over aggression to being amiable. What I did here was ‘fall short of the objective’, his inquiry and was lead astray by his gestures, body language and tone(BEGUILED). Was that of any help in the situation? We face such occasions throughout the day where our response depends on the following:

1.       Prejudice

2.       Distractions

Very often a task gets diluted in our emotional communication. The latter can be a strong tool, but when not harnessed well, it can create distractions for the best of minds. I am not the best of minds, but am trying to improve upon my focus. TASK vs. DISTRACTIONS.

Forgiving myself and resolving again to improve another thought has been crossing my mind for a while now. Specific ways you dress and keep yourself, including hair on skin, body art sends off a clean message to the onlooker. Could we reduce some uninvited violence erupting out of unintended aggression? A man appears as he is inside his mind. A chronic mind at unrest chooses to appear aggressive (though this might be a temporary period in ones life), but can that cognizance be of any help? With that thought, here are two images:

1. A shot of Tim Roth from the movie ‘Lie to Me.’ - Intended Agression

2. A rider on Harley* - Unintended Agression

and the question- Does each of the above situations affect our communication?

*Picture picked up from the blog: http://steviethek.wordpress.com/